"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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