I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
