Are we in a gay sports bar?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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