I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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