You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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