When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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