I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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