So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
