I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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