im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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