Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
