I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
