I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
