theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize