well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
