Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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