Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
