I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
