Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
