Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
