How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
