the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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