So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
