so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
