11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
