Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
