I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
