no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
