I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
