So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I didn't notice because vodka
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
