whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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