Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
