I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
