I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
