We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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