he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
