He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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