she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
