As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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