she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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