This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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