its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
