I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
