i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
