She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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