I'm drive I can fine osifer
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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