I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
