Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you had me at cake vodka
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
