My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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