Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
