I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
