Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
