I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
