i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
