i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
