My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
