Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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