I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
