Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
