she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
