Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
