ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
