i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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