he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
