nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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