i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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