you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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