My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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