Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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