we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize