You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
