Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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