when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
