margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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